He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
