Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
