I've blown a few things in my day
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
