i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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