I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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