I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
