She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
