I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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