he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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