All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
