That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
