you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
