your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ok first of all what the fuck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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