Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
