At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
