I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
