so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
