the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
