Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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