Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
