I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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