I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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