you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
