Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
