It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize