Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
