I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
