is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
