I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
