i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I will be naked everywhere
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
