just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
