I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
