Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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