So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found puke in my bra..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
