so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
