her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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