There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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