Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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