Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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