Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
