You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize