he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
