The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's always time for handjobs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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