we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
