My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
