Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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