I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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