It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
