real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
