she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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