oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
