Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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