the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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