we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
