a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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