the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize