Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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