Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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