I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
