I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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