Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
