She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
