Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize
