Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
