I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
