You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
