dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
