My sheets look like a crime scene.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
