I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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