alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
